Schadenfreude — The Disaster Artist Review

Schadenfreude — The Disaster Artist Review

I first heard about The Room while I was in South Korea. Labeled as one of the worst movies ever filmed, it had somehow attracted a huge following that included sold-out midnight viewings.

To this day, I have not been able to get myself through one complete viewing of the original film. It’s an assault on the senses and a failure by every standard metric I hold regarding filmmaking.

It’s bad. Real bad.

The acting is subpar, the dialogue needs heavy editing, and the plot just sort of… goes. Tommy Wiseau, the director, writer, producer, and star of the film plays Johnny, a man who eventually finds out his fiancee is cheating on him with his best friend Mark.

A cast of characters weave in and out of the movie, adding to the conflict and drama with the subtlety of a runaway Mac truck backing its trailer through a warehouse. There’s Denny, Johnny’s teenage friend, who is in debt to a violent drug dealer, and Peter the psychologist who learns about the secret affair from both Tommy and Mark. Lisa, the fiancee, finds out her mother has breast cancer, tells Johnny she’s pregnant, admits the pregnancy was a lie to cover up her affair with Mark, and moves in with Mark.

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Code Break — iStorage datAshur Personal2 tech review

Code Break — iStorage datAshur Personal2 tech review

Anyone traveling with or looking to move data securely from one computer might be interested in iStorage’s many offerings.

The company, based in the United Kingdom, offers virus protection and backup solutions on the software side to go along with their bread and butter business — encrypted hard drives with PIN authentication that conforms to the highest in government standards.

Their various drives come in all sorts of different colors, shapes, and sizes. And while their more expensive offerings make the company look like their main demographic is made up of business and corporations hoping to stave off spies and hostile engineers, they have a new offering of personal flash drives for the weekend warriors or the duly paranoid.

The datAshur Personal2 is a flash drive aimed at consumers who want to make sure their files stay private. Whether they’re filled with presentations heading home for some extra polish or security footage that needs a second look, no one without the PIN code should be able to reasonably break through the military grade AES-XTS 256-bit hardware encryption.

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We Got Fun and Games — Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle Review

We Got Fun and Games — Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle Review

When Spencer “the nerd” (Alex Wolff), Fridge “the jock” (Ser’Darius Blain), Bethany “the princess” (Madison Iseman), and Martha “the smart one” (Morgan Turner) are sent to the school’s basement for detention, they end up opening a portal into the world of Jumanji.

Inhabiting archetypal video-game avatars in direct contrast to the real-world selves, our four teens with attitude have to rid the world of a curse while maneuvering through social and personal conflicts.

It’s a mix of Freaky Friday and the Breakfast Club, but the action/adventure twist makes Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle a fun film. It also helps that the movie doesn’t eschew character building and development.

Spencer, familiar with video game mechanics, takes the lead as the muscle-bound explorer Dr. Smolder Bravestone (Dwayne Johnson) while Fridge takes a sidekick role, entering the game as the zoologist Franklin “Mouse” Finbar (Kevin Hart), a diminutive researcher whose special ability allows him to hold weapons. Bethany, whose cell-phone addiction has kept her distracted throughout high school, takes the role of the portly Professor Sheldon Oberon (Jack Black), the group’s cartographer, and Martha takes on a more active position in the group’s dynamic as the group’s physical bruiser Ruby Roundhouse (Karen Gillan).

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Off-Key — Pitch Perfect 3 Review

Off-Key — Pitch Perfect 3 Review

Rating: 2 out of 5.

The first Pitch Perfect was lightning in a bottle — it was a sleeper hit that worked the trending a capella genre for full effect and spawned a radio hit with Anna Kendrick singing the cover for Cups, aka When I’m Gone.

Pitch Perfect 3 brings the group back together for one last go, this time as an overseas touring group for the USO. Hoping to relive their glory days, the Barden Bellas — who have seen their lives diminish since they’ve last been together — compete on an uneven playing field against music groups and DJs vying for a spot as DJ Khaled’s opening act.

New developments include Fat Amy’s (Rebel Wilson) father Fergus (John Lithgow) entering the picture as he hopes to build a relationship with his estranged daughter. Beca (Anna Kendrick), whose music career still hasn’t taken off, gets an opportunity to show off her producing chops when she sits in for an impromptu session at Khaled’s mixing board. 

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Defiant — Star Wars: The Last Jedi Review

Defiant — Star Wars: The Last Jedi Review

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Making a Star Wars film must be one of the most daunting things in Hollywood.

While fans cry, “More, more, more,” with wallets wide open, expectations are incredibly high and hard to meet.

Disney paid George Lucas billions for the chance, and they’ve gone ham mining the Star Wars legacy for more cartoons, comic books, merchandise, anthology movies, and core trilogy films.

And in the thick of things, the company tries to corral a wary fanbase worried about the House of Mouse damaging a beloved legacy filled with lore and characters that are to American culture what air is to breathing.

It’s my opinion that no one, at this point, can create a movie in the series without inviting the wrath of fans. Not even the legendary Steven Spielberg himself could create a continuation film that would satisfy the masses and keep the vitriol from spreading to his Twitter feed.

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Syndicated — Murder on the Orient Express Review

Syndicated — Murder on the Orient Express Review

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Agatha Christie, 20th-century’s master crime novelist, is the highest-selling novelist of all time.

All. Time.

With 2-billion books sold, she’s behind only the Bible and Shakespeare.

But a quick survey of my inner and outer circles either proves that people in general just don’t read anymore or that pop-culture — in America — has room for Sherlock Holmes but not for Hercule Poirot, Christie’s master sleuth who’s appeared in 33 of her novels and a set of films.

Poirot last appeared in 2013 in Curtain: Poirot’s Last Case with actor David Suchet ending a 24-year turn as the detective for the United Kingdom’s ITV.

Returning to cinemas for the first time 1982’s Evil Under the Sun, Poirot takes on the form of Kenneth Branagh who also directs a a stacked ensemble cast featuring the likes of Johnny Depp, Penélope Cruz, Willem Defoe, Judi Dench, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Daisy Ridley. It could have done no less — watch any crime procedural on television, and you can spot the guilty criminal based solely on the guest star making the cameo.

In Murder on the Orient Express, it takes a village to come up with a master plan.

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Unjustified — Justice League Review

Unjustified — Justice League Review

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Marvel has Earth’s Mightiest Heroes in the Avengers, but DC has the Trinity — arguably, the three most important and popular comic book heroes in comic book history.

Superman (Henry Cavill), Batman (Ben Affleck), and Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) — who made an appearance in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice finally join forces with Flash (Ezra Miller), Aquaman (Jason Momoa), and Cyborg (Ray Fisher) to fight cosmic invaders in an action-packed but fluffy movie that ultimately fails to shoulder the momentum of this year’s breakout Wonder Woman film.

With the world in turmoil after Superman’s death, fear has risen to new heights. Who will protect Earth from the incoming alien forces being called by the powerful Mother Boxes?

It’s up to Batman to find out. Traveling the globe as Batman and Bruce Wayne, the Dark Knight hopes to build a superteam to stop the extra-terrestrial Steppenwolf (voiced by Ciarán Hinds) from collecting the boxes into one construct that will redesign Earth into a fiery landscape more fitting for his kind.

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Now With More Funny — Thor: Ragnarok Review

Now With More Funny — Thor: Ragnarok Review

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Thor Odinson (Chris Hemsworth) tries to stop the end of the world in Thor: Ragnarok, a conflicted mess of a film that showcases some of the best that Marvel Studios has to offer along with some of their cringiest.

If you’ve seen the trailers, you have the main gist of it all — Hela (Cate Blanchett), the goddess of death, has come to take her place on the throne of Asgard after Odin’s death releases her from the prison his life-force created.

As Odin’s firstborn, she is the strongest of his children, and she makes her mark within moments by destroying Mjolnir and sending Thor and Loki (Tom Hiddleston) into retreat. As the brothers attempt to teleport back to their homeworld with the help of the Bifröst Bridge, Hela follows them and send them off course.

Hela appears in Asgard, where her claim to the throne hits deaf ears — that’s what happens when an entire era’s history is wiped away or covered up. Viewed as an invading force, Asgard’s army tries to hold her at bay but fails miserably against Odin’s strongest child.

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Not a Reboot, a Return — Blade Runner 2049 Review

Not a Reboot, a Return — Blade Runner 2049 Review

Rating: 5 out of 5.

It only took 35 years for Hollywood to create a sequel to Ridley Scott’s Blade Runner — a critical and commercial failure at launch that eventually turned into one of the most influential culture pieces this side of the 20th century. 

Not that we asked for a continuation or a reboot — we all know know how those have turned out. Look at what’s happened to the Alien franchise. See Alien: Covenant review here

When it was first announced, I had my reservations. Blade Runner is one of my most favorite movies. And while I was resigned to accept the notion that no sequel — spiritual or otherwise — would be as good as the first, news of Denis Villeneuve being attached to direct gave me hope that it could come close. 

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Life in Three Stages — Dunkirk Review

Life in Three Stages — Dunkirk Review

Rating: 5 out of 5.

The battle and escape at Dunkirk was a defining point during the first stages of World War II — it ultimately rallied the British who were at one point considering a conditional surrender to Germany.

The safe return of 330,000 British and allied soldiers with the help of civilian forces spurred a counterpoint to Germany’s blitzkrieg that was pushing its way through Europe with relative ease.

While the film takes place during the harrowing hours before the retreat, Dunkirk isn’t a simple and linear retelling.

It’s a collection of parables that uses the event as a backdrop to explore the paradigm of human existence. Compressing time and space, Dunkirk is a microcosm of chaos, beauty, and the circle of human life.

The movie opens with a literal bang as German soldiers open fire on Allied troops who have, so far, maintained an uneasy and untenable position with their backs to the French oceanside in Dunkirk. A few hundred-thousand troops wait on the beach as, one by one, ships pick up the wounded first.

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